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Posted April 2025Given the current political divide (chasm) in this country, I have always prided myself on having friends on each precipice. They are all intelligent people whom I want to keep close, so we’ve had some calm, rational discussions about our different political perspectives. What it all comes down to, ultimately, is that we want the same things for our county — peace, prosperity, opportunity — we just have different ideas on how to achieve those goals. Almost invariably, we come to the same conclusion: we’re a lot more alike than we are different. That, unfortunately, is the minority view.
Then there’s family. Actually, I have family members in both camps, but they are mainly on the “other side.” A couple of weeks ago, first thing in the morning, I was reminded of that partisan abyss. One of my cousins posted on Facebook about a highly divisive politician from the past. This politician has been out of the picture for some time, and the post was about a non-event. People have been encouraged to actively despise this person, however, and they can’t get past it. So, the only purpose of the post, as far as I could see, was to get the name back out there for group derision.
I took the bait, shame on me, and asked why he posted it, and what’s the point of stirring up hatred first thing in the morning. In response, I got a lecture on the First Amendment. I practiced media law for over ten years; I already know a little something about that particular part of the Constitution. Then my stepsister posted, “Terryl, be quiet.” Oooooooh. No wonder we didn’t get along. At that point, I checked out of the chat and, on impulse, Facebook altogether. It was my only social media app, so I have dropped off the grid.
Fine with me. I thought I’d miss it, particularly the videos. (My favorite was where a cop pulled over a speeder who insisted she hadn’t had a drink. “Not one drink all day?” “No.” “Are you sure?” “Yes.” “Do you know that you’re wearing your sunglasses upside down?”) But I actually haven’t missed social media at all, and I suddenly have lots more free time.
Facebook had such a promising beginning, as a great way to keep up with people with whom you’ve lost touch. Trouble is, I had a reason for growing apart from a lot of those people, even if it was just indifference. Let’s face it, if I haven’t looked you up in fifty years, it’s nice to know you’re alive and all, and have grandchildren, but I really don’t care that one of them just got an A in spelling. Just like high school, many of my former classmates are more affluent than I am. They take trips. LOTS of trips. And they post pictures. You know, I’ve seen your picture on your home page, so when I see you standing in front of the Arc de Triomphe, it’s just two people blocking the view of a beautiful landmark. You don’t have to prove to me that you went to Paris and stood in front of Notre Dame. Same with the Grand Canyon; I already know what you (and it) look like, and, hate to break it to you, but you’re not Ansel Adams.
But back to my cousin. I’ve been pondering why he posted what he did, and I don’t think it was to ruin my morning coffee. It wasn’t even about politics, I don’t think, nor was it about hatred, necessarily. I think it goes back to that instinctive human need to belong to a tribe. America is a big, diverse, scary assemblage of people, bound together primarily by the rule of law and a common belief in democracy. Tribes, however, are smaller, cohesive groups bound together by a common culture and history.
Tribes are comforting. Benjamin Franklin once noted that white settlers captured by Indians would, after “rescue”, overwhelming choose to return to their Indian family. In contrast, Indians very rarely defected to the white settlers. Why? As Sebastian Junger explained in his book, Tribe, there is comfort, understanding, and safety in the group. You may not be able to trust people in the general population, but your tribe members have your back. They care for you and share with you. They may not be related, as in a clan, but they are a group of people who have chosen to live together, with communal government. In contrast, most of us didn’t choose to live in the United States, we just won the birth lottery.
Maslow believed that the need to belong is subordinate to only physiological and safety needs on his hierarchy. Without a sense of belonging, humans are psychologically stunted. Teenagers have long satisfied this need by insisting on that one brand of shoes that their parents can’t afford. They develop their own language and resolutely reject the attempts of old people who try to adopt it. The rise of “influencers” shows that people will also bond over the right facial cream, as determined by someone they don’t even know.
It’s hard to have a sense of belonging in America as it is today, with many people in each major party actively wishing harm on the other side. It’s a lot easier if you pick a side and join; then you’ve carved out a tribe. But the downside of surrounding yourself with like-minded people is that it curbs free thought. What if the “other side” proposes an idea that actually sounds good? You either swallow that thought in a hurry or risk being mocked and ostracized. As a result, the tribe becomes increasingly insular and narrow-minded, reinforced by repetition of the same maxims.
Americans pride ourselves on our perceived freedoms, but we don’t seem to value freedom of thought. What if some prominent politician agreed that the size of government should be reduced, but also thought that DEI was a good thing. Imagine politicians campaigning on what they actually believed and encouraging voters to elect them only if they agreed with those beliefs. Wouldn’t that be confusing, but refreshing!
I have no hope that any such statesman is going to rise from this current mess, at least not any time soon. Instead, we remain polarized by our respective politicians, compelled to accept the party line or be thrust into the void alone. And if the party says we should hate, we hate. So much for freedom. In the meantime, though, I declare my freedom from social media and the tyranny of group think. I’m hoping some more will join me.
